Christmas was challenging. Think mom-in-law might be losing it a bit. She's on new dietary restrictions that clearly mean that none of us are allowed to eat either. "I'm not making dressing or gravy for Christmas dinner." "Why do we need bread (i.e. a loaf of 100 percent whole grain bread I asked husband to pick up at the store)? I can't eat bread."
Uh. . .maybe because the rest of us would like a sandwich once in a while?
Oh, but while bread is OUT, it's ok to eat a big old stack of buckwheat pancakes with maple syrup. . .AND THEN just start eating MY PANCAKES while I am feeding the baby (and it should be noted, hadn't had the opportunity to eat anything yet, all day, and it's 2 in the afternoon!). I am so glad to hear that pancakes and maple syrup (as well as pancakes belonging to others) fit into your new low carb/low sugar regime.
"It's time for the baby to nap again? Well, will he sleep tonight?" Yes, he always takes two 1-2 hour naps each day. He'll still sleep tonight. "Well, I'm not sure about another nap."
Huh? Oh, I'm sorry. I've only taken care of him every day for the past 12 months and 26 days. How would I know what's appropriate napping for my own child?
"Maggie, do you want to go for a walk?" (After I got up early and took care of babe while every one slept in for two-three more hours) No, I just really want to take a shower and wash my hair and get dressed. "Don't you want to take a walk and then take a shower?" No, I really just want to take a shower. I haven't washed my hair in five days. I really want to wash my hair. "Oh, let's go for a walk."
I should also mention that it was 27 degrees outside and icy. No, I don't want to take a walk. This sent me a little over the edge. No walk was taken by me. I showered, laid down and took a three hour nap, leaving husband to deal with his mother and the baby.
She has also become anti-dog. "Are they going to get in the window, Maggie? Because I don't want them near my curtains." "The curtain looks slightly parted. Was the dog in the window?" To dog, "Get out of the kitchen, Bug!" (puts Bug in Living Room). Two minutes later. . ."What are you doing in the living room, Bug? Get in the kitchen!"
Poor dog didn't know where she should be. After a few days of this, the formerly stinky, big-headed former foster dog made a break for it and ran out the front door and jumped up to try and get into the car as if to say "Can we please go home now?"
Yes, Stinky Big Head, I'm right there with you. Time to go home.
(And it should be noted that the dogs have only once done anything bad chez inlaws. And that was when mom-in-law insisted that the two dogs be sequestered separately and Bug scratched at the door while we were gone in an effort to be reunited with Stinky Big Head. This Christmas, they were perfectly behaved. They just couldn't do anything right.)
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Friday, November 14, 2008
Oh, Brother! (grumble, grumble)
I am still annoyed with myself at how much I allow my brother and his wife annoy me.
The reality is that I hear from them hardly never (even though he is my only sibling and lives only about 40 miles away). And when I do hear from them, I find their tiny bits of contact irritating beyond belief.
For example, since we announced that we were expecting, I have only received a couple of emails from my brother asking about my welfare. Clearly, picking up the phone and actually conversing with me or, god forbid, stopping by my house on his daily car commute into Chicago, is WAY too much effort and trouble. As for his wife, not a single call since June. And while I don't particularly want to talk to her anyway (she is frequently a rude and overly judgemental person with whom I have little in common), it's hard not to be irritated at her total lack of interest when I called and saw them many times during both her pregnancies, attended baby showers and even used my own vacation time to care for their toddler for four days when their second child was born (for which, I really didn't even get so much as a "thank you").
Oh, I forgot. I have gotten one email from sister-in-law though in the past few months: it was a list of gifts that would be appropriate for her children for their birthdays in September. That was it. No inquiries about how I was doing. No niceties. Just an outline of the things I could buy for her children.
It's been years since they've made any effort for us to spend any of the holidays together (instead making their own plans, never taking me into account), so in the past few years, I have done the same. This means that, typically, I spend most holidays with my husband's family as they are warm and welcoming and I thoroughly enjoy spending time with them. It is a pleasure, not an obligation. It is how family togetherness should be.
Likewise, since even organizing a lunch meeting with my brother's family at a restaurant on any given weekend in their neighborhood is a thankless undertaking (they are perpetually "busy" and never make the effort to try and initiate plans with me, it's always me being turned down), I pretty much gave up a while back.
So, yesterday, I get an email from my brother wanting us to drive 90 minutes out to the burbs to celebrate "Thanksgiving" together a week from this coming Sunday. And when I called him this morning to let him know that we couldn't come as we have a prior commitment (a breastfeeding class at our hospital), I think he was genuinely annoyed.
Huh?!?!?
He makes no effort to see me since June, neither he nor his wife bother to call me about the fact that they are blowing off my baby shower (just like they did both my wedding showers) or call me for any reason for that matter from June through November and now he just expects me to be free at his convenience a few days before Thanksgiving to drive 1.5 hours to his home and back. Yeah. Right.
Given the fact that our mother has been dead for over 23 years and our father has been in a nursing home with dementia for more than five years and the rest of our extended family lives overseas, you'd think my brother might be a little more thankful for the one living, sane, blood relative that he has living on this continent (aside from his own young children). But clearly this is not the case. And I pretty much accepted this years ago since after bringing it to my brother's attention, he has made little effort to change.
So, why do I still even care? And why, oh why, do I let myself get so riled up about it all?
I think it's because of the pretense that my brother likes to carry on when it suits him (i.e. that we are still a "family," that we still are connected). And I feel bad that my relationship with my niece and nephew is not that close, but that's really down to their parents, not me. It's pretty much hard to develop a relationship with kids you are hardly ever allowed to see.
I'm sure that my son (who still with six weeks of "cooking" to go, weighs in at 6lbs, 8 oz according to my latest ultrasound--the doctor actually called him a "moose!"), will have much closer relationships with his uncles who live hundreds of miles away than the one who lives just down the road. And that's a real shame. But one that I finally need to accept that I can do little about.
The reality is that I hear from them hardly never (even though he is my only sibling and lives only about 40 miles away). And when I do hear from them, I find their tiny bits of contact irritating beyond belief.
For example, since we announced that we were expecting, I have only received a couple of emails from my brother asking about my welfare. Clearly, picking up the phone and actually conversing with me or, god forbid, stopping by my house on his daily car commute into Chicago, is WAY too much effort and trouble. As for his wife, not a single call since June. And while I don't particularly want to talk to her anyway (she is frequently a rude and overly judgemental person with whom I have little in common), it's hard not to be irritated at her total lack of interest when I called and saw them many times during both her pregnancies, attended baby showers and even used my own vacation time to care for their toddler for four days when their second child was born (for which, I really didn't even get so much as a "thank you").
Oh, I forgot. I have gotten one email from sister-in-law though in the past few months: it was a list of gifts that would be appropriate for her children for their birthdays in September. That was it. No inquiries about how I was doing. No niceties. Just an outline of the things I could buy for her children.
It's been years since they've made any effort for us to spend any of the holidays together (instead making their own plans, never taking me into account), so in the past few years, I have done the same. This means that, typically, I spend most holidays with my husband's family as they are warm and welcoming and I thoroughly enjoy spending time with them. It is a pleasure, not an obligation. It is how family togetherness should be.
Likewise, since even organizing a lunch meeting with my brother's family at a restaurant on any given weekend in their neighborhood is a thankless undertaking (they are perpetually "busy" and never make the effort to try and initiate plans with me, it's always me being turned down), I pretty much gave up a while back.
So, yesterday, I get an email from my brother wanting us to drive 90 minutes out to the burbs to celebrate "Thanksgiving" together a week from this coming Sunday. And when I called him this morning to let him know that we couldn't come as we have a prior commitment (a breastfeeding class at our hospital), I think he was genuinely annoyed.
Huh?!?!?
He makes no effort to see me since June, neither he nor his wife bother to call me about the fact that they are blowing off my baby shower (just like they did both my wedding showers) or call me for any reason for that matter from June through November and now he just expects me to be free at his convenience a few days before Thanksgiving to drive 1.5 hours to his home and back. Yeah. Right.
Given the fact that our mother has been dead for over 23 years and our father has been in a nursing home with dementia for more than five years and the rest of our extended family lives overseas, you'd think my brother might be a little more thankful for the one living, sane, blood relative that he has living on this continent (aside from his own young children). But clearly this is not the case. And I pretty much accepted this years ago since after bringing it to my brother's attention, he has made little effort to change.
So, why do I still even care? And why, oh why, do I let myself get so riled up about it all?
I think it's because of the pretense that my brother likes to carry on when it suits him (i.e. that we are still a "family," that we still are connected). And I feel bad that my relationship with my niece and nephew is not that close, but that's really down to their parents, not me. It's pretty much hard to develop a relationship with kids you are hardly ever allowed to see.
I'm sure that my son (who still with six weeks of "cooking" to go, weighs in at 6lbs, 8 oz according to my latest ultrasound--the doctor actually called him a "moose!"), will have much closer relationships with his uncles who live hundreds of miles away than the one who lives just down the road. And that's a real shame. But one that I finally need to accept that I can do little about.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Old-Girlfriend-Meets-Baby-Shower Weekend
We had a busy last weekend and I'm just now getting caught up!
Firstly, Friday night, we had dinner with Craze's college girlfriend who was in town from NYC. I'm not sure if it's just me and the whole wife/ex-girlfriend thing, but I just find it SO difficult to like her in the least. I find myself constantly picking wholes in her life choices (the little I know of them) and finding fault with her in general.
She's not a bad person and she was perfectly polite to me. She gave us a lovely baby gift of a little blue bathrobe and rattle. That said, she also saved seats at the restaurant so that Craze would sit next to her and I had to sit at the complete opposite end of the table next to several of her friends I didn't know in the least, which I found somewhat irritating and I wasn't able to speak to Craze or the ex throughout the whole meal.
I guess the deal is that I sometimes question her motives (like the seating arrangement). At 40, she is still unmarried and I only met her for the first time at my wedding, which I also found irritating. Who wants to meet their husband's ex on their wedding day??? And the second time I saw her, we spent a couple of days together in Washington, DC, and she made a point of wearing her skimpy bikini and showing off her terrific yoga flexibility and contortionist tricks to Craze at every occasion. I just thought she was really showing off and I found it quite annoying and inappropriate.
I don't think she wants to be with my husband, but I do think she enjoys flirting with him (right in front of me). It's irritating and immature. GRRRRRRR... And don't get me started on her restaurant choice which we weren't consulted about. We went to Mexique, a French-influenced, Mexican restaurant were we spent $100 on one of the most blase and uninspired meals I have had in a long time. Aside from hanging out with Craze's ex-girlfriends, there's nothing I hate worse than LOUD, mediocre, high-priced, hipster restaurants!
Anyway, thankfully, we only had to hang out with her for the one meal and, since the window between her visits is typically LONG--over 4 years for this last one--, I'll unlikely have to see her again any time soon, which is totally fine with me.
Then, bright and early Saturday morning, we loaded our luggage and the dogs in the car and headed for the Motor City for Sunday's baby shower. Luckily, after the six-hour drive, my mother-in-law was not too dog crazy and our fur babies weren't relegated to the basement during our stay and behaved in a perfectly lovely manner. I'm not sure what her earlier dog mania was even all about. Craze called my father-in-law prior to our visit and even he said she was acting a little nutty regarding the dogs. Anyway. . .
The baby shower was really lovely. Great food. Small enough to be able to talk to everyone at a leisurely pace and an amazingly generous shower of baby gifts. So, many beautiful things from hand-made sweaters, booties and a blanket, to a stroller and a baby car seat, organic baby bath lotions and potions, books, diaper bags and so much more. We really are so blessed to have such a lovely and giving extended family. Everyone is genuinely excited about our forthcoming arrival.
It's really nice and such a difference from my own family where I have only my brother who has basically shown almost a total disregard for our forthcoming child. As opposed to Craze's family, they neither attended the baby shower or sent a card or gift to acknowledge that it was even happening. I guess not a surprise really since that's the same reaction I got to my two bridal showers. I guess selfish, self-involved people are unlikely to change so I'm not sure why I find them such a constant disappointment. I always expect better of them and it never happens. Craze wonders why I set myself up for disappointment where they are concerned and he is completely right.
As I've said before, I'm lucky my husband has such a great family and that they are now mine, too.
Firstly, Friday night, we had dinner with Craze's college girlfriend who was in town from NYC. I'm not sure if it's just me and the whole wife/ex-girlfriend thing, but I just find it SO difficult to like her in the least. I find myself constantly picking wholes in her life choices (the little I know of them) and finding fault with her in general.
She's not a bad person and she was perfectly polite to me. She gave us a lovely baby gift of a little blue bathrobe and rattle. That said, she also saved seats at the restaurant so that Craze would sit next to her and I had to sit at the complete opposite end of the table next to several of her friends I didn't know in the least, which I found somewhat irritating and I wasn't able to speak to Craze or the ex throughout the whole meal.
I guess the deal is that I sometimes question her motives (like the seating arrangement). At 40, she is still unmarried and I only met her for the first time at my wedding, which I also found irritating. Who wants to meet their husband's ex on their wedding day??? And the second time I saw her, we spent a couple of days together in Washington, DC, and she made a point of wearing her skimpy bikini and showing off her terrific yoga flexibility and contortionist tricks to Craze at every occasion. I just thought she was really showing off and I found it quite annoying and inappropriate.
I don't think she wants to be with my husband, but I do think she enjoys flirting with him (right in front of me). It's irritating and immature. GRRRRRRR... And don't get me started on her restaurant choice which we weren't consulted about. We went to Mexique, a French-influenced, Mexican restaurant were we spent $100 on one of the most blase and uninspired meals I have had in a long time. Aside from hanging out with Craze's ex-girlfriends, there's nothing I hate worse than LOUD, mediocre, high-priced, hipster restaurants!
Anyway, thankfully, we only had to hang out with her for the one meal and, since the window between her visits is typically LONG--over 4 years for this last one--, I'll unlikely have to see her again any time soon, which is totally fine with me.
Then, bright and early Saturday morning, we loaded our luggage and the dogs in the car and headed for the Motor City for Sunday's baby shower. Luckily, after the six-hour drive, my mother-in-law was not too dog crazy and our fur babies weren't relegated to the basement during our stay and behaved in a perfectly lovely manner. I'm not sure what her earlier dog mania was even all about. Craze called my father-in-law prior to our visit and even he said she was acting a little nutty regarding the dogs. Anyway. . .
The baby shower was really lovely. Great food. Small enough to be able to talk to everyone at a leisurely pace and an amazingly generous shower of baby gifts. So, many beautiful things from hand-made sweaters, booties and a blanket, to a stroller and a baby car seat, organic baby bath lotions and potions, books, diaper bags and so much more. We really are so blessed to have such a lovely and giving extended family. Everyone is genuinely excited about our forthcoming arrival.
It's really nice and such a difference from my own family where I have only my brother who has basically shown almost a total disregard for our forthcoming child. As opposed to Craze's family, they neither attended the baby shower or sent a card or gift to acknowledge that it was even happening. I guess not a surprise really since that's the same reaction I got to my two bridal showers. I guess selfish, self-involved people are unlikely to change so I'm not sure why I find them such a constant disappointment. I always expect better of them and it never happens. Craze wonders why I set myself up for disappointment where they are concerned and he is completely right.
As I've said before, I'm lucky my husband has such a great family and that they are now mine, too.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Pre-Traumatic Dog Disorder
My mother-in-law, hostess of my forthcoming baby shower, totally stressed me out tonight. She seems to have developed a sudden complex about our dogs coming to her house. Now, keep in mind, we've been taking the Bug there since she was tiny (i.e. almost four years) and it's never been a problem. But now that we have the Stinky-Big-Headed Foster Dog (who is in the process of being formally adopted by us and is really no longer stinky), she seems to have an issue.
Out of nowhere tonight, she wants us to kennel the dogs instead of bringing them to Detroit. Keep in mind, that we leave for Detroit in three days, we have no papers yet for the Foster Beast (so couldn't kennel him anyway) AND I HATE kenneling the dog at all, especially the Bug who is my little fur child. Not to mention that we're talking probably $300 for kenneling them here in Chicago anyway.
My mother-in-law is always so vague and round-about that it's hard to find out exactly what she wants you to do or what her issue is. We have always been very careful about our dog in her house (keeping her off the furniture, making sure she doesn't track mud or water around, making sure she behaves, etc) and she has always been very good. So, I'm not sure why us visiting with the dogs is suddenly problematic. We had the foster dog at our brother in-laws house in July for a few days also and he was perfectly well behaved.
But now apparently, Mrs. Craze-in-Law said we can bring the dogs, but she wants them to stay in the basement. I thought at first that she meant she wanted them in the basement for a couple hours when folks are coming over after the shower. But upon further conversation, I'm thinking she means for the entire duration of our two-day visit (but, of course, she wouldn't come right out and say that).
Has she lost her mind? I'm not leaving my dogs in a dark basement for two days and nights.
The whole conversation is still stressing me out a few hours after the fact. I told Craze he needs to call his dad tomorrow and get to the bottom of it all. That's the only way we'll know what's really going on.
I was really looking forward to my shower. But now the whole idea of it is stressing me out. I have pre-traumatic dog disorder!
Out of nowhere tonight, she wants us to kennel the dogs instead of bringing them to Detroit. Keep in mind, that we leave for Detroit in three days, we have no papers yet for the Foster Beast (so couldn't kennel him anyway) AND I HATE kenneling the dog at all, especially the Bug who is my little fur child. Not to mention that we're talking probably $300 for kenneling them here in Chicago anyway.
My mother-in-law is always so vague and round-about that it's hard to find out exactly what she wants you to do or what her issue is. We have always been very careful about our dog in her house (keeping her off the furniture, making sure she doesn't track mud or water around, making sure she behaves, etc) and she has always been very good. So, I'm not sure why us visiting with the dogs is suddenly problematic. We had the foster dog at our brother in-laws house in July for a few days also and he was perfectly well behaved.
But now apparently, Mrs. Craze-in-Law said we can bring the dogs, but she wants them to stay in the basement. I thought at first that she meant she wanted them in the basement for a couple hours when folks are coming over after the shower. But upon further conversation, I'm thinking she means for the entire duration of our two-day visit (but, of course, she wouldn't come right out and say that).
Has she lost her mind? I'm not leaving my dogs in a dark basement for two days and nights.
The whole conversation is still stressing me out a few hours after the fact. I told Craze he needs to call his dad tomorrow and get to the bottom of it all. That's the only way we'll know what's really going on.
I was really looking forward to my shower. But now the whole idea of it is stressing me out. I have pre-traumatic dog disorder!
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