Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Magic Time?

I am at a bit of a loss today. I am oh, so, tired. Just very weary. Babe had me up again at 5am and wouldn't go back to sleep. Too early for this woman.

That said, I hauled A to my morning Weight Watchers meeting and recorded another loss of 1.2 lbs. That's 15.4 lbs off since Thanksgiving. One again: hurray for me!

A "witch" I know (a good one, I think), told me today that I have my own brand of magic and that magic is all around me at the moment. I have to admit, I don't feel all too magical. Maybe a good night's sleep is what is needed for the magic to return? We shall see. I feel like I could use a little magical infusion into my current situation (especially on the work front).

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Path Ahead

So, four inches of snow yesterday was a major underestimate! By the time I got outside to shovel (around 9:30 pm) there was more than a foot of the stuff surrounding our little house. We're talking serious snow removal.

I did the front steps/porch and path up from the sidewalk, the sidewalk in front and the path at the side of the house, the stairs leading to the deck/back door and then also the deck and back door area. I left the path from deck stairs to garage and front of garage for Craze to tackle--my back was killing me after all that heavy lifting! Not to mention that it was snowing the whole time I shoveled, so I came into the house looking like a snow woman come to life.

Despite the snow, our nanny was back today. I hit the 9am weight watchers meeting (-2.4 lbs this week for a total of 14.2 lost so far!) and then met a woman for coffee who has been working for the same company I have been working for. Unhappily for us both, she has also been having a challenging time with the partners and has also been concerned with their ethical standards in some of her dealings with them. Aye, yaye, yaye. . .

Why can nothing ever seem to be just straight forward?

It got me thinking though that there must be a way to join forces with women in a similar situation (smart and hard workers who want to 1) work from home and 2) not work 5 days a week and/or the crazy hours that jobs in our professional often seem to require nowadays). Maybe it's time to revisit my consulting business, but from more of a full-service perspective with other consultants making up the team. Other people do it and have success. Why can't I?

Why do I keep looking for the least disagreeable working option, when really what I need to be doing is creating my own option, suited entirely to me?

I think it's clear that my current position isn't going anywhere. So, it's time I made a way for myself. Now, where I'd put that shovel?

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Snow Day!

Nanny's car broke down this morning (well, her room-mates car really), so no nanny today. Work was quiet so it turned out to be a nice day, just the two of us.

Baby Henry and I played, had lunch (he ate cottage cheese, peas, pears, and hummus on whole wheat bread, oh, and some cucumber), he napped some, I did some laundry and wrote some belated bday cards and then he did a little art project for Daddy for Valentine's day. All while the snow fell and fell outside creating a deep and quiet blanket of white.

At least four inches out there now if not more. I think once Craze gets home I'll head outside and do a little shoveling. It will be nice to get some fresh air and shoveling always seems so gratifying for some reason. Not sure how to go forward?. . .Just shovel, shovel, shovel. . .voila, a clear path ahead. If only life in general was so straight forward.

Not so stressed out by my work situation. After 10 days of intense online research and numerous emails to old work colleagues, I still don't have any new business opportunities. But I'm just taking a Candide sort of attitude, "everything is for the best in this best of all possible worlds."

It will all work out, one way or another. I'll figure it out. I always have. I'm a superior figureitouter.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Sorry, Not a Winner. . .

Today is just one of those days. . .

Monday and Tuesday I felt like I was doing a good job of stirring the pot in terms of connecting with folks who might be able to bring me some business. Today, however, feels bleak and my prospects of success very limited.

It all started off fine. Went to my weekly Weight Watchers meeting. Pretty much knew I was going to gain, but only 1.2 lbs, so not too bad. Ran an errand to the grocery store to get a few things I needed (though left my list at home and forgot key items like salt!). Was going to stop at Dunkin' Donuts for a nice, hot cup of coffee on the way home and unwittingly changed lanes and drove right past. Arghhh!

Oh, and even before that, the kicker. . .checked my MegaMillions lotto ticket with the automatic scanner at the grocery store. Scanned the ticket, waited and then saw the message, "Sorry, Not a Winner."

In that moment, I felt like the machine was speaking right to me rather than referring to my non-winning lottery ticket. In that pause between breathes, I felt like "Not a Winner" summed up my life.

Clearly, be it hormones or this grey, winter day, I am just feeling sorry for myself. Yes, I've had some tough times. Yes, things have not always gone my way (least of all the ill-starred junior high cheer leading tryouts of 1979!). But for the most part, I do think I've been able to rise above my circumstances and misfortunes and make a pretty great life. I've traveled and seen a lot of the world. I had a pretty successful career. I have a great and handsome husband who I love. I have a smart, healthy and also handsome baby boy who makes me smile every time I see him. I am healthy and have a cozy, warm home and food to eat. So much wealth. So many good things to be grateful for.

Let's face it, I'm not the homeless guy at Six Corners who lives in the bus shelter and seems to do nothing day in and day out but hang out there and try to survive.

So, why, in the midst of everything that we have, is it so easy on some days to only focus on what seems to be lacking? Even on those days when we can't put an exact name on what we lack, how is it that you can feel so alone? So lost?

I wish I knew the answer. And I wish I'd stop taking pronouncements from lotto machines quite so personally. . .stupid machine.