Magic Time?

I am at a bit of a loss today. I am oh, so, tired. Just very weary. Babe had me up again at 5am and wouldn't go back to sleep. Too early for this woman.

That said, I hauled A to my morning Weight Watchers meeting and recorded another loss of 1.2 lbs. That's 15.4 lbs off since Thanksgiving. One again: hurray for me!

A "witch" I know (a good one, I think), told me today that I have my own brand of magic and that magic is all around me at the moment. I have to admit, I don't feel all too magical. Maybe a good night's sleep is what is needed for the magic to return? We shall see. I feel like I could use a little magical infusion into my current situation (especially on the work front).

The Path Ahead

So, four inches of snow yesterday was a major underestimate! By the time I got outside to shovel (around 9:30 pm) there was more than a foot of the stuff surrounding our little house. We're talking serious snow removal.

I did the front steps/porch and path up from the sidewalk, the sidewalk in front and the path at the side of the house, the stairs leading to the deck/back door and then also the deck and back door area. I left the path from deck stairs to garage and front of garage for Craze to tackle--my back was killing me after all that heavy lifting! Not to mention that it was snowing the whole time I shoveled, so I came into the house looking like a snow woman come to life.

Despite the snow, our nanny was back today. I hit the 9am weight watchers meeting (-2.4 lbs this week for a total of 14.2 lost so far!) and then met a woman for coffee who has been working for the same company I have been working for. Unhappily for us both, she has also been having a challenging time with the partners and has also been concerned with their ethical standards in some of her dealings with them. Aye, yaye, yaye. . .

Why can nothing ever seem to be just straight forward?

It got me thinking though that there must be a way to join forces with women in a similar situation (smart and hard workers who want to 1) work from home and 2) not work 5 days a week and/or the crazy hours that jobs in our professional often seem to require nowadays). Maybe it's time to revisit my consulting business, but from more of a full-service perspective with other consultants making up the team. Other people do it and have success. Why can't I?

Why do I keep looking for the least disagreeable working option, when really what I need to be doing is creating my own option, suited entirely to me?

I think it's clear that my current position isn't going anywhere. So, it's time I made a way for myself. Now, where I'd put that shovel?

Snow Day!

Nanny's car broke down this morning (well, her room-mates car really), so no nanny today. Work was quiet so it turned out to be a nice day, just the two of us.

Baby Henry and I played, had lunch (he ate cottage cheese, peas, pears, and hummus on whole wheat bread, oh, and some cucumber), he napped some, I did some laundry and wrote some belated bday cards and then he did a little art project for Daddy for Valentine's day. All while the snow fell and fell outside creating a deep and quiet blanket of white.

At least four inches out there now if not more. I think once Craze gets home I'll head outside and do a little shoveling. It will be nice to get some fresh air and shoveling always seems so gratifying for some reason. Not sure how to go forward?. . .Just shovel, shovel, shovel. . .voila, a clear path ahead. If only life in general was so straight forward.

Not so stressed out by my work situation. After 10 days of intense online research and numerous emails to old work colleagues, I still don't have any new business opportunities. But I'm just taking a Candide sort of attitude, "everything is for the best in this best of all possible worlds."

It will all work out, one way or another. I'll figure it out. I always have. I'm a superior figureitouter.

Sorry, Not a Winner. . .

Today is just one of those days. . .

Monday and Tuesday I felt like I was doing a good job of stirring the pot in terms of connecting with folks who might be able to bring me some business. Today, however, feels bleak and my prospects of success very limited.

It all started off fine. Went to my weekly Weight Watchers meeting. Pretty much knew I was going to gain, but only 1.2 lbs, so not too bad. Ran an errand to the grocery store to get a few things I needed (though left my list at home and forgot key items like salt!). Was going to stop at Dunkin' Donuts for a nice, hot cup of coffee on the way home and unwittingly changed lanes and drove right past. Arghhh!

Oh, and even before that, the kicker. . .checked my MegaMillions lotto ticket with the automatic scanner at the grocery store. Scanned the ticket, waited and then saw the message, "Sorry, Not a Winner."

In that moment, I felt like the machine was speaking right to me rather than referring to my non-winning lottery ticket. In that pause between breathes, I felt like "Not a Winner" summed up my life.

Clearly, be it hormones or this grey, winter day, I am just feeling sorry for myself. Yes, I've had some tough times. Yes, things have not always gone my way (least of all the ill-starred junior high cheer leading tryouts of 1979!). But for the most part, I do think I've been able to rise above my circumstances and misfortunes and make a pretty great life. I've traveled and seen a lot of the world. I had a pretty successful career. I have a great and handsome husband who I love. I have a smart, healthy and also handsome baby boy who makes me smile every time I see him. I am healthy and have a cozy, warm home and food to eat. So much wealth. So many good things to be grateful for.

Let's face it, I'm not the homeless guy at Six Corners who lives in the bus shelter and seems to do nothing day in and day out but hang out there and try to survive.

So, why, in the midst of everything that we have, is it so easy on some days to only focus on what seems to be lacking? Even on those days when we can't put an exact name on what we lack, how is it that you can feel so alone? So lost?

I wish I knew the answer. And I wish I'd stop taking pronouncements from lotto machines quite so personally. . .stupid machine.

Sick-Os

Baby is sick. Mama is sick.

I dragged myself out to a client meeting yesterday for the job I may only have for another four weeks. It was fine. I dosed myself with Emergen-C and Wal-act before going out in the bitter cold to drive to the near-airport burbs, park in a big concrete parking structure and then attend a somewhat boring meeting. Then off to Target to buy milk and a few other odds and ends on the way home.

I think I have a bad attitude. And just feel sort of disheartened. Adrift.

This is probably due, in part, to the fact that 1) I feel terrible (head is full, tired, runny nose, sneezing) and 2) I'm still irritated by my job situation (or, potentially-soon-to-be-lack-of-job situation).

I did have a brilliant idea yesterday, though. Maybe I can do what I've been doing for the past months for another company. One with deeper pockets and better clients (i.e. I'll be able to do more challenging and creative work and have better job security). Anyway, that's the idea. Get someone to pay me a monthly retainer to work for them exclusively for 2 or 3 days a week (hopefully, mostly from home). I have someone in mind and I sent them an email earlier today to see if we could meet for lunch. They might be interested. I guess it never hurts to ask!

In the meantime, the sick baby is goofing around in his crib instead of napping. And mama needs a nap. And her own blankie, a box of tissues, some more Emergen-C. And a reason to hope that this whole work thing will work itself out.

Well, if it's any consolation, the sun is shining (after about a week of dark, dull, grey days). And maybe I'll have to take that as a good sign. . .

I Am Filled with Perturbation (and, yes, that really is a word!)

So, I find myself perturbed today.

Had a call with one of the partners of the company I work for and while they previously extended my contract verbally until the end of April (though, funnily enough, never actually sent me the actual updated contract), they have now decided that I have until the end of February to bring in a new big account or my monthly retainer arrangement is kaput!

I'm perturbed that they have gone back on their word and that I have so little time to make things happen (considering they have been loading my plate with other work to do well beyond my agreed retainer hours, which has taken my eye off of my new business ball). Also, since they acknowledge that I've worked hard and been a great contributor to their business, it just makes me wonder about the kind of people I'm working with. . .True to their word? Hmmm, maybe not.

So, after hanging up the phone and a bout of momentary moaning and groaning, I made a list of possible career options to consider:

1. Go hell-bent-for-leather about trying to drum up new business and try to turn the contract situation around (but even if I win something, will I find myself in the same situation in another 2, 4 or 6 months?).

2. Continue working for the next month (giving it my best) and then plan on going back to my own, non-exclusive, consulting business if I don't score a big win (which was dead as a doornail last year and, since it is very hard to schedule in advance, presents real childcare issues).

3. Win the lottery (This is an excellent plan until you get to the third step in the plan, i.e. 1) buy ticket; 2: check to see if you won; 3: make alternative plan in absence of lottery win. . .)

4. Get a real job (i.e. not working for myself, probably not able to work from home). Possible increased job security and financial stability, but other clear trade-offs.

Oh. . .what to do?

Somehow, though perturbed, I'm not actually surprised. I've had a feeling since the holidays that something was going on behind the scenes related to me and my position. The business partners are famously secretive and it's not a quality about how they run their business that I really appreciate.

I sort of feel like a weight has been lifted. What I've suspected is now out of the bag and, if I'm honest, I haven't been loving the work I've been doing lately. It's often challenging merely in the frustation of dealing with people who can't make up their minds, are often in disagreement, often provide poor direction but then are unhappy if you don't get everything exactly right the first time. It's not challenging in healthy way that feels like you're learning and growning and just able to do your best work.

So, I appear to be at another career crossroads. I need to make money to help support my family. That is without question. But which is the best way to turn?

Well, I guess at least I have four weeks to try and figure that out. . .

Reading Plans Shelved: Not Any More!

Besides the Great Purge of 2010, which got a big boost last Sunday when we finally got rid of the Christmas tree, moved the elliptical machine and cleared out a bunch of stuff to create a big play space for the babe in the living room (hurray Purge!), one of my other resolutions was to read more this year. Less wasting my time with crap and crappy TV. Less mindless time wasting. Time instead to fill my brain with useful, thought-provoking or just funny and interesting things.

I would say that so far, I'm off to a good start. Thus far, in this, just the third week of the new year, I've read The Queen by Philippa Gregory (historical fiction based on a Plantagenet Queen), The Lovely Bones (pretty engrossing) and just finished The Road (which was at times, hard to read, kept me up at night thinking about "the boy" and "the man" main characters as if they were real, was terrifying and beautiful all at the same time). In fact, I think The Road might just make my list of favorite books of all time (even though I didn't love some parts-- frightening).

I've also started "In Defense of Food" which is really quite interesting (explains the change in the American diet over the past 30 years or so, the rise of processed foods and how that might not have been such a good thing); as well as "The Nasty Bits" by Anthony Bourdain. I'm not loving that book so much. I LOVED his first book, "Kitchen Confidential" (you'll never think of a restaurant the same way again!) and "Cook's Tour" was also good. I'm finding "The Nasty Bits" a bit repetitive and somewhat boring. Or maybe I'm just over the whole "food porn" movement (truth be told, I care not a wit for celebrity chefs, their 5-star restaurants or the clientele of such establishments). So, I'm not sure if that one will get read in end. I may give it one more try.

I think next on the list is Nick Hornsby's "How to be Good." I've never read any of his books, but lots of folks have assured me they are very funny. Work has been crazy in the past couple weeks, and I'm in need of some "funny."

Part of my reading push is also related to the Great Purge. I've got so many books all over my house that I bought, but to date have never read. Time to read them or be rid of them I say! So, I'm aiming to read them and then pass them on and free up some space.

I also went all retro on myself and went and got a Public Library Card right before Christmas. So, no more book buying. From now on, I shall be lending books from the numerous branches of the Chicago Library. I'm looking forward to loaning out "Cherries in Winter" before too long.

And finally, in terms of the "Great Pound Purge of 2010, I've lost over 4.5 lbs in the past two weeks. I have been sticking to my WW points plan like glue. Like glue, I tell you! Now, I just need to start working exercise into my daily habits. That will be a toughy ("WHAT!!!????" I hear you say, "But she has an elliptical machine in her living room.")

Yes, people, it is true. Approximately 6 or 7 years ago, I thought putting a giant elliptical machine in the middle of my living room would make me use it. Reality? Not so, I'm afraid. Clearly, I am exercise averse. I need to figure out how to change that. . .maybe there's a book I can read. . .wonder if they have it at the library?

She Bites

I just bit him. Really hard. My 13 month old baby boy.

Totally by accident.

I was holding him. The phone rang. I picked up the phone, said "hello" and the next thing I know, his thumb is in my mouth and I bit it accidentally. There was a shocked look of disbelief and then a good 10 minutes of serious, pained screaming, tears and agonized writhing.

Poor guy. I totally don't know how it happened really.

Nanny leaves because she's sick (puking everywhere, poor girl). Mommy takes over. Bites baby really hard on the thumb. And isnt getting any of her real work done.

Today, I appear to be failing at both my jobs!

Before I Forget

A list of foods my 13-month old bubba likes to eat:

100% wholegrain bread, hummus, fruit (orange, kiwi, banana, apple, cantalope, pretty much any), raw baby spinach (!), homemade olive oil and vinegar coleslaw (!!), eggs, soy sausages, oatmeal, cottage cheese, cheddar cheese, provolone, yogurt, milk, green beans, baked beans, any kind of cooked bean, water, turkey, chicken, bbq pork, toast, sweet potatoes, regular potatoes, brocolli, cooked kale, stuffing, mashed potatoes (regular or sweet), chicken noodle soup, and whole grain pasta.

He has an on again, off again relationship with brussel sprouts.

And his number 1 most favorite food appears to be: CARROTS! I'm surprised he's not orange.

Great Purge Off to a Slow Start

Great Purge of 2010 progress? Not a lot really. I guess in the past week, I went through a big pile of mail, did a bunch of laundry (not purging per se, but organization nonetheless). And it should be noted that of the 2.6 lbs that I managed to lose over Christmas week, I regained every single ounce last week. What the what??? Every. Single. Ounce.

I was so excited about my loss and none too happy with my back slide. That said, I have re-energized my healthy eating efforts and hope to see my pound purge number on the increase again next week.

Been busy working this week, but off today. So if I can ever get Mr. No Nap to go to sleep, I shall endeavour to get myself dressed and used my time wisely. Time to take down the Christmas decorations and then purging will be easier. Need to alkso banish additional Christmas clutter (gifts that still haven't found a new home).

Have also spent the past week convincing Craze of my rightness in this campaign. Think he's coming over to my side. Excited about re-energizing our home and making it a more tranquil, easy to clean and organized space--especially with a "I want to touch everything" little one crawling around.

Off I go. . .let's see what happens today. . .

I Thank You, 2009

As I have said before, 2009 was a trying, stressful, amazing, wondrous and pivotal year for me. The end of a life-changing decade really. For it was in 2000, that I met Craze and the rest is crazy history. Here we are in our little house in Chicago with a gaggle of furry children and one real boy. Wow! Who would have thunk it?

This time last year, I had fallen head over heels in love with my Little Mouse, a barely-one-month-old cheerful, robust and amazing child with a broken arm (from his "I AM STUCK!" arrival into the world). We were broke yet cheerful. Unsure of most things but sure in the fact that everything would, eventually, be just fine.

"Everything is for the best in this best of all possible worlds," I kept reminding myself. And so it is.

The end of the year finds us richer in so many ways. . .financially better off, a stronger, more honest couple, parents who actually know what they are doing, warm and happy, looking forward to finding ways to better ourselves and our family in the year ahead.

I might not have won the MegaMillions, but I remind myself daily that in so many ways I have won the lottery. A handsome man I actually like hanging out with who makes me laugh often. A healthy, happy child born at my advanced maternal age. New-found career opportunities that have kept us out of the poor house (and, miraculously, allowed me to work from home and see my child almost all day, every day). A cozy and warm place to rest our heads. A wealth of blessings, indeed.

I guess that leaves me with only two wishes for the New Year. Firstly, that every child can be loved by someone as much as I love my child. And secondly, that those who are still suffering from the bad economy or other unhappy events, can share in some of my good fortune in the new year.

And I mean it when I say, "Happy New Year" to one and all.

Fast Approaching: The Great Purge of 2010!

While my mom-in-law may be losing it in the brain department, I, thankfully, continue to "lose it" in other ways. Having started Weight Watchers the week before Thanksgiving, I actually lost 2.6 lbs over Christmas, bringing my total loss so far to 8 lbs.

Hurray for me!

I have a lot to lose but I've decided that my goal is just 5 lbs. If I can lose 5 lbs (only 2 lbs more to go until I reach my second 5-lb loss!) again and again, that seems much more doable than trying to chip away at a giant number. And ever 5 lbs is a reason to celebrate. . .and then set a new 5lb goal.

My husband asked me my weight-loss goal today and I told him, "five pounds." He looked at me kind of funny and then when I explained my rationale, he told me that sounded pretty smart. I also told him that my ultimate goal is to be able to get up from the floor without feeling like I need a crane for assistance.

Yes, here it comes people, the GREAT PURGE OF 2010. We're going to be purging pounds along with pounds of miscellaneous stuff. Streamlining all around. And I'm pretty excited about it.

Let's see: 365 days, a big old bunch of weight to lose (100lbs+), and nine rooms, six closets, a basement, an attic and a garage full of stuff to sort, sell, donate, repurpose or toss. Can she do it?????

A 100 lb loss seems a little overly ambitious for one year (almost 2lbs per week, every week). But I'd be willing to commit to 50 lbs off in 2010 and all the unnecessary stuff gone.

That's a big job. Is she up to the challenge? Stay tuned to find out!

Christmas Was Challenging. . .

Christmas was challenging. Think mom-in-law might be losing it a bit. She's on new dietary restrictions that clearly mean that none of us are allowed to eat either. "I'm not making dressing or gravy for Christmas dinner." "Why do we need bread (i.e. a loaf of 100 percent whole grain bread I asked husband to pick up at the store)? I can't eat bread."

Uh. . .maybe because the rest of us would like a sandwich once in a while?

Oh, but while bread is OUT, it's ok to eat a big old stack of buckwheat pancakes with maple syrup. . .AND THEN just start eating MY PANCAKES while I am feeding the baby (and it should be noted, hadn't had the opportunity to eat anything yet, all day, and it's 2 in the afternoon!). I am so glad to hear that pancakes and maple syrup (as well as pancakes belonging to others) fit into your new low carb/low sugar regime.

"It's time for the baby to nap again? Well, will he sleep tonight?" Yes, he always takes two 1-2 hour naps each day. He'll still sleep tonight. "Well, I'm not sure about another nap."

Huh? Oh, I'm sorry. I've only taken care of him every day for the past 12 months and 26 days. How would I know what's appropriate napping for my own child?

"Maggie, do you want to go for a walk?" (After I got up early and took care of babe while every one slept in for two-three more hours) No, I just really want to take a shower and wash my hair and get dressed. "Don't you want to take a walk and then take a shower?" No, I really just want to take a shower. I haven't washed my hair in five days. I really want to wash my hair. "Oh, let's go for a walk."

I should also mention that it was 27 degrees outside and icy. No, I don't want to take a walk. This sent me a little over the edge. No walk was taken by me. I showered, laid down and took a three hour nap, leaving husband to deal with his mother and the baby.

She has also become anti-dog. "Are they going to get in the window, Maggie? Because I don't want them near my curtains." "The curtain looks slightly parted. Was the dog in the window?" To dog, "Get out of the kitchen, Bug!" (puts Bug in Living Room). Two minutes later. . ."What are you doing in the living room, Bug? Get in the kitchen!"

Poor dog didn't know where she should be. After a few days of this, the formerly stinky, big-headed former foster dog made a break for it and ran out the front door and jumped up to try and get into the car as if to say "Can we please go home now?"

Yes, Stinky Big Head, I'm right there with you. Time to go home.

(And it should be noted that the dogs have only once done anything bad chez inlaws. And that was when mom-in-law insisted that the two dogs be sequestered separately and Bug scratched at the door while we were gone in an effort to be reunited with Stinky Big Head. This Christmas, they were perfectly behaved. They just couldn't do anything right.)

Making Hay While the Snow Falls

Pretty behind on all this Christmas stuff. Work finally wound down. Am planning to pass off store-bought organic cookie dough as homemade treats (don't feel the least bit guilty). More wrapping to do, bed to be made, oil in car to be changed for trip to inlaws, packing clothes, baby and dog stuff, some cards still unmailed. Yeah, yeah. . .getting to it. Not going to stress out over the whole deal.

Nanny is here, so plan to make hay (you know the rest). . .but in my own sweet time.

So Much Time Gone By. . .

So much time has elapsed since my last blog entry that I actually forgot how to log into this thing again!

What to say? My little newborn is now one year and 17 days old. He is a funny, chatty, expressive little wonder. And I wonder daily what I ever did to deserve this amazing (and amazingly blond) little babe. (Said his dark-haired mother.)

I did finally get three job offers. I turned down the "big" job with a fat paycheck, fancy title and big office in downtown Chicago in favor of working 3-4 days per week for a consulting firm where I can continue to work from home. I think it was a great decision. I have a nanny now on my working days, but see my son often during my work day and never feel like I've missed something important. And my job doesn't own my life. I still own it.

Working more frequently while caring for a baby has been a big adjustment, but we are in a much better financial place now. So, much better than last Christmas when we were broke and I used my holiday gift cards on diapers and formula and prayed at Christmas that I would keep finding ways to scrimp, sell or earn in order to cover the mortgage.

Nevertheless, with our new-found income, we have continued to be pretty frugal. Paying down debt accumulated in leaner times and hitting the yard/garage sales like crazy this past summer. I'm still amazed at how well I can do buying lots of things second hand (baby stuff especially). Better financially and better for the environment. A real win-win.

We are still living in that little, sometimes drafty, almost 90-year-old house in Chicago. I'm still thinking of replacing the kitchen floor and redoing the downstairs bathroom and, lately, with a crawling-trying-to-walk baby around, thinking of getting the hardwoods covered with less injurious carpet. But none of the above has been done. My frugal nature insists that I get rid of remaining debt before incurring new costs. So, new kitchen floor and living room carpet in 2010? We'll see.

Craze and I are still going strong. Next June marks 10 years of togetherness. For a guy who seemed to have no interest in kids, he has proved to be a committed, funny and tender dad, who never shirks a diaper change and loves nothing better than the sound of his son's laugh and his beaming little face.

Our animal family is still here, too. Bug, who is mostly terrified of kids, loves Henry. She is so very good with him. The formerly-stinky-big-headed-foster-dog who became our dog is still here, too. He is, however, the most expensive dog of all time (at least in our experience) because of his hip issues and previous leg break (was hit by a car years before we adopted him), but we love him and he loves us and now, at least, I'm actually making some money to pay for his care. And who needs a beach vacation when instead you've got a 70-lb golden haired boyfriend who likes to try and sit in your lap most days? And the Alley Cat and Grey round out that little pack. Both are purring along, soft and sleek and lovable as ever.

I am still heavy. Yeah, I lost the baby weight, but was pretty big to begin with and it's all still there. I'm the frumpiest I've ever been, but mostly zen about it all. On a whim, I had a bunch of my long hair cut off a couple months ago into an impossibly high-maintenance hair cut that made me look like a scarecrow if I didn't straighten it daily. The bleach blond peek-a-boo highlights didn't help. Needless to say, I looked like a scarecrow post-cut most days. Thankfully, two months of growth and a ten-minute hair color session has made me look more presentable (no more peek-aboo!) and I'm looking forward to more hair (along with other changes) in 2010.

I joined Weight Watchers just before Thanksgiving and have lost 5.4 lbs in five weeks. Not bad considering this has included Thanksgiving, baby bday party (and homemade chocolate cake!) and run-up to Christmas. And frankly, while it would be nice to break out of the frump rut, I am more committed to just being in better shape. I would love nothing better than to be able to sit on the floor and play with my son and get up from said floor with ease. It's the "ease" part that I need to work on and Weight Watchers is a first step in that direction.

Not to mention, I have a cute, thin husband who still manages to love me even though I look pretty awful most days lately. Looking and feeling better certainly couldn't hurt in the relationship department.

And like myself, my house is sort of frumpy, too. Aside from the old, chipped kitchen floor, crummy downstairs loo and lack of living room carpet, the onslaught of baby toys and gear has made our clutter issues seem so much worse (and I think caring for a little one has made it a lot easier for the clutter to pile up and stay piled up). My wish for 2010 is that I can streamline myself and my stuff and make my home more livable and easy to clean/maintain in order. It's time for a big purge, all around.

All that said, 2009 was a financially stressful year and the lack of sleep from 7+ months of night-time feedings/baby not sleeping through the night made it harder. But at the same time, it was really an amazing, pivotal year in my life. Having birthed my babe last December, 2009 is the year when I really became a mother in caring for that little boy every single day. It has been the most amazing gift of my life. And even with no money coming in and sitting up for those 4 am feedings, I remember sitting in the dark in his room and reminding myself to cherish every moment. And I think I will remember those middle-of-the-night hours spent nursing and quietly singing to him, looking outside at the snow quietly falling or the shadows on the wall, wondering what this little person would grow to be, for the rest of my life.

And I have an overwhelming sense of gratitude. That my child is healthy and happy, tall and bright. That we still have a warm, cozy roof over our heads. That we find a reason to laugh at least once a day. That I have met new people who shine a light into my life through their own faith and selflessness. That I have founds ways to give back to others who have less.

So, I guess really 2009 was more about riches than anything. I may be frumpy, but I'm sort of fantastic as well. And I guess that's pretty great.

Working Mama Maggie?

I actually have a job interview on Tuesday. Not just any interview. . .a breakfast meeting. . .FANCY!

We'll see what happens. I'm in two minds about the whole thing. On one hand, I'm excited about the prospect of making good money again (pay off the credit cards and not have to worry every month about how to pay the mortgage!) and having interesting work to do. On the other hand, I'm not relishing going back to the daily downtown commute and being away from my baby during the day.

Clearly these are issues that most working moms have and find ways to overcome, but it just seems SO hard. Couple that with the fact that at five months, I have never left baby Henry with anyone but my husband and you have a mom with serious separation anxiety. I feel sad about being away from my little babe.

What to do?

I'm hoping I can work part-time three or four days a week (and if four days, maybe one day working from home). That would make the whole thing more do-able for me. More palatable.

I miss my baby already (and he's only in the next room taking a nap!).

Aside from that, this work-from-home-for-the-past-four-years-often-in-my-PJs woman needs to tart herself up for Tuesday. This afternoon sees a haircut. I already colored my grey, grey roots a couple of days ago. Next, I need to figure out what the hell I'm going to wear!!!!

PTL!

It was happened! Fingers crossed, the jobless wasteland of the past 12 months is beginning to evaporate.

Last week, I got a call about not just one long-term job, but TWO. AND I got some consulting work to boot. Not a ton, but enough hours to pay a good chunk of my mortgage this month. Hallelujah!

It still remains to be seen if either of the potential long-term jobs will really materialize, but I'm excited that things seem to be turning a corner.

Maggie's Trying to Get Greener!

I'm excited about Earth Day. I'm reminded of even more things I can do to help the planet and create a better world for my little child.

I encourage you all to look for ways to be greener, too. Recycle, obviously, but there are so many simple and fun things you can do. Plant some veggies in your garden or containers. I'm planting herbs, tomatoes, peppers, lettuce and maybe some snap peas, too. Mend something or get something repaired instead of buying new. I LOVE mending things! I really do feel great when I've put something back in order or given new life to something that otherwise might have been discarded. It makes me feel useful and clever.

Buy used instead of new. This is fun and saves money as well as the environment. Many of my babies clothes, toys and baby "stuff" have been purchased on craigslist or at yard sales for a pittance compared to the price of new and most just require a good washing or two to be good as new.

Use fabric napkins and dish towels instead of paper ones at home. I had tons of fabric napkins I never used until about two years ago when I decided to use them for meals instead of paper ones. I'm sure I've saved a lot of money and a good bit of landfill space.

We don't buy plastic poop bags to pick up after the dogs any more. It suddenly occurred to me last year that I was discarding perfectly good "poop" bags in the form of plastic bags that I get with loaves of bread, produce, etc. Now when they are empty, we just fold them in a drawer with the dogs' leashes, ready to pull out for the next dog walk.

I'm thinking of cutting up old laundry detergent containers to make some colorful planters this year (cut off the top and put holes in the bottom for drainage). I think I'm also going to make the move from disposable diapers to washable, re-useable ones. The modern ones look really easy to use and will really save us money over the next few years while Henry is still in diapers. I feel guilty every time I stick a disposable diaper in the trash and that's something I can change.

Hope you join me in trying to get greener!

Surprising Reconnections

This past week has been somewhat amazing in the reconnection department. Not only have I found one, but two old friends. One, my best friend from the ages of 4-8, found me on Google and now she's coming for a visit in June. I'm so excited! We lived next door to one another and I can't remember my mom ever having a better friend than my childhood friend's mom. We went to kindergarten together, caught butterflies, egged each other on to see who could eat the most sour gooseberries from the bush in the garden, listened to "I Think I Love You" one too many times and watched Speed Racer every afternoon. Such happy memories of carefree days!

The other found-again friend is a kooky guy from college who I lost touch with years ago. My friend Joan and I have often wondered what became of him and finally I was able to track him down through a friend of a friend on Facebook. He's still living in California where I last heard from him and, thankfully, doing well. He's hanging out with celebs on occasion in the swanky LA hotel where he works as the hired muscle should any security be required.

And if two reconnections weren't enough, I'm actually having lunch with a third old friend, this one from junior high, this Friday. She was my friend for only a short time until we had a falling out over religion (how 13-year-olds fall out over religion is sort of beyond me now). I think it all happened when she fell into the grip of an evangelical group and started telling me I was going to hell for this, that and the other thing. Even at 13, that was enough for me! Anyway, she tracked me down on Facebook and told me I was one of the best friends she ever had--which to me was quite surprising, though nice of her to say.

She had an unfortunate accident several years ago and is now confined to a wheelchair which is very sad for one so young. Also, Ms. Right-Wing Christian now practices Islam--if you can believe it!

Anyway, I didn't have a burning urge to see her, but she wanted to see me and meet Henry, so it felt like the right thing to do.

How is it that sometimes just when it feels like the world is getting smaller and smaller, something happens and a new world of possibilities seems to open up. I feel like that's happening now. For a while now, my circle of friends has been diminishing but now old friends are reappearing in unexpected ways. And it feels nice.

It makes me happy.

Too Tight for Tea and the Sea Creature Next Door

Ahh sweet mother. . .there is nothing better than a piping hot cup of latte in the morning. Even my own, cobbled together with non-espresso coffee and microwaved milk. Delish!

A friend from out of town is in town and I met her and another "friend" (acquaintance now, really) for tea at the Four Seasons on Friday afternoon. While I do love high tea, it was hard to enjoy it because I knew it's really just too expensive a thing for me to be doing right now. Over fifty bucks including downtown parking, for teeny sandwiches and cookies just slightly bigger than your thumbprint. Kooky, really.

But what's done is done and I must try not to live in perpetual financial regret.

Today we're actually meeting these same friends for lunch. This time Craze is coming and we're going to an Indian buffet, so hopefully we can both have a good meal without doing too much financial damage. I really do look forward to eating out nowadays since it's been relegated to the "not now, maybe later" list of things we put off until the day when we have more household income.

I have a call with a company next Friday about some consulting work (it got postponed from last week). I'm really crossing my fingers that they need help. Oh, how I want to work and bring in the cash again. I do not enjoy being SO cash strapped.

In other news, my gypsy (and I mean REAL gypsies!) next door neighbor, just got colored contact lenses that make her look crazy. She is very olive skinned with dark, dark eyes but suddenly now has light, aquamarine eyes that make her look like the love child of the Man from Atlantis and some kind of Sci Fi Channel creature. Weird! So weird in fact, that it's hard not to look at her face without staring at those crazy eyes. How can she possibly think this is a good look for her?

I'm dumbfounded, really. The other thing I find surprising is that she's an unmarried mother of three with no job who lives (and has always lived) with her parents. How can she justify the expense of colored contact lenses when her parents are supporting her and her three kids? Grandma is a waitress at a local diner and grandpa has not one but two blue collar jobs to support all of them (plus their 30-something son who also never works).

I guess if I remind myself that Ms. Crazy Eyes is the same woman who I regularly saw outside smoking last summer throughout the duration of her third pregnancy, I shouldn't be very surprised. . .

But still I am. . .

The older I get the more I realize that people and their behaviors are a never-ending mystery.